Bopper's Guide to Creating Fervor, and Dissapointing People

Step 1: Cut a hole in the box.
Step 2: Create Blog with greatest intentions of improving oneself.
Step 3: Get people interested in what you are doing and what you have to say.
Step 4: Overpromise, underdeliver.
Step 5: Go to Vegas for mini-vaca, and abandon all you have done for yourself. Tell No One.
Step 6: Use Vegas trip and summer activities as crutch for inaction.
Step 7: Lose any steam you had going.
Step 8: Attempt to put things back on track.

More to come... soon. Please leave comments of disapproval below.

... And Don't Call Me Shirley!

Hi Loyal Reader,

I hate the summer, the heat, the bugs, the humidity.

If your wondering things weren't as well as expected one month ago at the Doctors office, and well, if I am completely honest, things have hit a wall physically and mentally since. So I'm going away for the weekend to Vegas. When I come back, I have a plan. It will involve renewed commitment to getting healthy, and will have me using and updating this blog as I intended.

So I have to get on a plane tomorrow, and I am nervous. Sadly, its not because of a fear of flying. But I feel the anxiety and consternation building inside of me. The two things that fill me with these feelings are

1) Using the toilet on the airplane - It looks small, and not much operating room, and well, I like to take my time, and this is a lot of info you don't need, lets just say I prefer not to use it
B) Crushing the person in the next seat - Usually this is my wife, but as I am flying out to meet her, I'll be solo. I know everyone hates sitting next to the fat guy. I get it. I hate it too. And let me tell you, its not picnic for us either. We'd much rather fine a less 'oppressive' situation.

Well, I gotta run, kids. I have to make the final checklist and be done with it.

See you on the flip side.

Finding Dan O'Connor

I'm in here somewhere, inside this tub of goo. I just cant seem to find me. This isn't an existential crisis or anything, I literally cant find myself in this body. After weeks of working out, and trying to eat right (Not all the time, but a hell of a lot better than I was), I don't feel different. I don't look different. No one is bending over backwards to tell me I look better? And before you pick up the phone or think about it, don't, if you've seen me and thought I looked better, you'd have said something, and going forward, now I'm going to doubt anyone who tries to compliment me.

One of the problems with being a big guy is even when the guy in mirror changes, it's hard to tell. We'll find out soon, the Good Doctor is going to make me get on a scale next week. If you remember, the scale at the doctors office wasn't big enough for me at 400lbs., so I can say with out fear of overstating: If I don't come in at least at 399lbs., I am going to be distraught beyond belief. I cant believe I'm that big to begin with, so to have worked at it for at least 7 weeks and visually, emotionally, and statistically have no proof, is nothing short of a failure.

This morning I got dressed for work, and I stood in the mirror trying to look for something to give me a clue I'm headed in the right direction. I could only find myself finding more things wrong than right. maybe I distorted my own self perception to see something more bulbous and rotund than I am, but I cant stop doubting myself.

Thru it all, I've been torturing Jessica... she's gone most days to the gym with me, and if you just ask her, her GUNS are quite breathtaking. Ask her why she's called the Thesaurus. But since we've started, I can see a difference in her. She looks better than when we started this, and is becoming more beautiful each day.

It's hard to see Jess garner these result while I am still looking into the mirror and wondering what I am doing wrong. I know how to work out, I'm pretty sure. There's not much I can do between now and W-Day next week in terms of losing copious amounts of weight.

I guess, for now, I'll keep looking into the mirror... for something that resembles me...

And Now For Something Completely Different...

I am curious.

Things get boring on the treadmill. Between Katie Couric and Wheel of Fortune, my iPod has been getting quite the workout. The radio station playing at the gym is so bad, they play Dust in the Wind by Kansas... not exactly workout music.

So what do you listen to? I'm not looking for types of music. I want you to name and shame specific songs and tracks. They could be old classics, they could be guilty pleasures. Leave me a comment and tell me what motivates you to keep up your pace.

To get you started, here is one of my old standbys:

LCD Soundsystem - Daft Punk is Playing at My House


Update to come soon on my progress, complete wit witty remarks, and hilarious asides.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men... something something...

Big Numbers, Ahoy! The Good Doctor has turned on me. She really has it out for me. Not only does she want me to do things I don't want to do, she has broken my cardinal rule when I started this. She has set a quantifiable target. A goal for me to reach for in an allotted amount of time. A BHAG (Big Hairy Aggressive Goal... that's for all you black belts out there) if you will. If it isn't obvious yet, here is the breakdown:

100 Pounds

Its a big number. This will take some time to reach, but with some stick-to-it-tiveness I should be able to reach that goal in time. Wait, whats that? Not just 100 pounds?

100 Pounds in 3 Months

3 months isn't that far away, if you hadn't noticed. Its 91 Days away... I may not have an appointment on the 91st day, so lets call it:

100 Pounds in 100 Days

Kind of ironic that I am also posting this on the 100th day of the year. 6 Days of gym time as well, she ordered. That's a hell of a lot more than the 2 days a week I have been averaging. Lets break 100 Pounds in 100 Days down statistically:

• I will need to lose an average of 1 Pound a day.


• It is the equivalent of 1.1 Nicole Richie's


• If I received $1 for every pound lost, I could buy 2 tanks of gasoline


• It is the equivalent of 400 Quarter Pounders from McDonalds


• It is 11.75 Gallons of Milk


• It is 45.359 Kilograms or 7.1428 Stone


• It is 20% of the weight of John Goodman

Most importantly, it just under 25% of MY body weight, and this is why it needs to come off. I can't tell you how much of a wall I feel is before me. July seems just over the hill. Anybody want to come keep me company? Anybody want to help me beef up my iPod?

Anyone?

I Wanna Get Myself Out of This Place

It's time, loyal reader, that I put a question to you. How do you achieve that perfect work-life balance? It's something I have struggled with since moving to Pennsylvania, and I don't know how people find the time to fit everything in. We don't even have kids, and by the time I get home, I wonder how we're ever going to be able to run around to things like baseball practice or music lessons.

I ask this because it has been tough to motivate myself to go to the gym. By the time I get home some nights, it seems too late to go, or I don't have the energy to go.

I get up in the morning at 6am. I peter around for an hour or so before getting ready for work and leaving between 730am and 8am. My 22 mile commute to work can take from 45 minutes to 2 hours on the worst days. I work until 5 most nights, but sometimes, I am required to stay late. The 22 mile commute home doesn't necessarily take as long, but it has been known to take up to an hour (worse if there is snow). Sometime, Jess and I meet for dinner after work, or go to dinner when we get home between 6-7pm. This means I may not get home until 7pm to 9pm depending on the evening's activities.

Many nights I am until 1130pm just to catch up on some TV shows and other things around the house. So I am already shorting myself on sleep. I can get up any earlier and go to the gym. I cant rely on myself to go to the gym after work every night. I am just kind of confused right now.

It was much easier back in the day, when all I had was work, and party time late nights... all my friends were at the gym. I always had a workout buddy, and I always had people to socialize with, no matter when I went in. Maybe I can talk Easton into buying the Brandywine YMCA... but I digress.

So I'm putting the question to you:

How do you achieve your work-life balance, and how do you fit the things for yourself, like going to the gym and staying active, into that work-life balance?

Put your answer in the comments of the blog entry, and maybe it will better help me to understand what I need to get my shit in order.

I sound kind of whiny too, don't I? Please drop your pithy remarks in there too. I need the reality check.

On a completely unrelated note, remember when Good Charlotte were good before they became stars, but after the whole rocking out for Christ thing? Those 3 months were magical for Benji and Joel.

In the words of Sargeant Nicholas Angel

Pneumatic Laziness

Hey Blog, how ya been?

Where have I been? Well, to be perfectly honest, half the time I was down for the count, the other half I let complacency set in. Someone who shall remain nameless in the place infested our home with what I will just call the Black Death Plague. It took 2 solid weeks to be rid of it, and honestly, I still have a nasty cough from time to time.

As for the rest of the time... well, I cannot lie. We went away for a weekend, and well, all the laziness and restfulness set me up for a pattern of sloth.

Fear not.

Today is a landmark day.

Bopper went to the gym today.

Before any of my fine readers heap praise on me, remember, I took the better part of a month off, and I wasn't there for long. In fact, it was no more than 30 minutes. And maybe 20 minutes of that was workout time. The treadmill is an old friend... but the steady incline I had been used to use kicked my ass quicker than I expected.

Still, its a start. Sadly, tomorrow I have commitments, so I need to make sure that I honor myself, and keep my appointment with the treadmill on Wednesday.

Until then, be champions.

State of the Bopper

Its time to lay down the facts of what I am facing, and the things that effect me and will keep driving me from here on out:


Name: Dan O'Connor

Age: 30

Height: 6'3"

Weight: Over 400lbs

Shirt Size: 4x-5x, depending on who makes the clothes. In big man's clothes, its all guess work. Size 22 neck. Size 72 Chest.

Pant Size: 54-56 Waist. 30 Inseam.

Likes: Hot Wings, Bacon, Hamburgers, Utz Potato Chips, Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout, Duke Basketball

Hates: Hippies, Lettuce, Legumes, American Beer Commercials, Ranch Dressing, Fish, The Southeastern Conference

Things that have embarrassed me in the past: Family Photographs. Kids starring at me in restaurants like a circus freak. Breaking chairs in public places because I am too big for them. Busting buttons from shirts. Almost crushing an Asian couple on an airplane.

Things I am afraid of: Seats with arm rests. Friends inviting me to amusement parks (I don't fit on the rides anymore). Using the bathroom on an airplane. Being a bad example for my kids. Walking around the neighborhood with my wife, for fear of pain in my calves, and losing my breath. Riding on airplanes (but only because I don't fit in the seat).

Things I want to improve in myself: I want to be healthy. I want to look better. I want to feel better. I want to be able to get outside and do something without fear of exerting myself. I want to have the confidence to do anything.

Things I want to avoid in the future: Taking my weight into consideration for lifestyle choices. Heart Attacks (This is a big one). Being lazy. Buying clothes a size "too big" just so they feel looser. Being mistaken for John Candy, or John Goodman, or any John for that matter.

Things I want to accomplish: To be able to play a whole match of soccer. I want to be asked to play in friends basketball games. I want to walk the parking lot at Beaver Stadium without losing my breath. I want my wife to think I am even sexier than I already am.





















How I will reward myself: The purchase of one of the best looking soccer kits of all time, Celtic FC. A blow out the budget trip to England (Airfare has already been promised to be donated, for the loss of 100 lbs...)


Stay tuned, coming up on the program, we visit Bopper's closet to see his demons, and Bopper goes back to the Gym (GASP), Tune in next time, campers, on this same Bat Channel.

Apprehension

Damnit, I'm almost late, and this asshat won't get out of my way. I'm already on edge for this seemingly innocuous doctors visit, doesn't he understand I'm nervous about this? Does he not care? Does he think I'm freaking about nothing? No, he doesn't care, he just turned into Bradford Plaza... I'm sure all he cares about is getting to the Giant.

This place seems nice. Leather furniture, two water coolers, up to date magazines. It almost looks like where I get my hair cut. The nurse doesn't seem to interested in why I am here... She just keeps asking the same questions we used to see on the clipboard we always filled out, and putting them into her laptop. Now she wants to know my weight. Finally a real question. "I don't know. High 300's I think." Not the ideal answer. I should have been more prepared for that question by now. She has me step on the scale which goes to 400lbs, and wow... The needle doesn't move. So, that is that... I am 400+. So big, they cant get a real weight on me. This puts me in the category with those guys on Long Island that have the walls of their house removed so they can go down to McDonalds. I can't even get into Ted Washington's neighborhood.

Next up blood pressure. This isn't going to be good. Don't they need you take your arm out of your sleeve anymore? Damn this thing is tight. Stop pumping that ball, you bitch, this hurts. Are you some sort of sadist? I've never actually felt pain like this before.

150 over 90.

Shit. Not what you would call ideal.

"The Doctor will be into see you next." I hope he nicer than you, Nurse Ratchet. This is it, this is where he tells me exactly what I need to hear.

"Hi Dan, Nice to meet you, I'm Dr. H. What are you here for today?"

"Well, Doc, I am a mess."

"Mess is a strong word, but you've got a few things not quite right with you, don't you?"

Thanx for the confidence boost, Doc. Sadly, the conversation didn't go well from here. He didn't seem to be too concerned with me getting active, and more with eating right. He just met me, never asked about my eating habits and his first suggestion is Weight Watchers. If I am completely honest with you, this doesn't thrill me. I don't care to count points, I don't want to go to meetings, I don't want to weigh myself constantly, and I really am not concerned with the amount of weight I lose, but more with feeling better about myself, and visualizing and feeling the weight loss, not quantifying it. He could see my disapproval of this idea, and gave me a couple of attaboy speeches about commitment. I could've gotten this from my dad. I don't think Dr. H is a bad doc, he is quite pleasant, I'm sure I wouldve gotten this treatment from any doctor.

But the important part is that someone needs to give me a plan, and he did, and he also wants to get a whole gamut of blood tests from me (Thyroid, Diabetes, Liver, Etc...). The cholesterol test scares me, because it is something I don't ever consider, and the Liver test scares me because many of us in our youth not only didn't take care of ourselves, but flat out abused our livers. I am almost resolved to the diabetes test coming up positive, and my father and grandmother both have it, and well, I am kind of a prime candidate at my size.

So as I walk out of this appointment, I feel much the same as I did going into it. How am I going to tackle this? Am I going to heed the Doc's words and look into Weight Watchers? What will these tests show? Can I get back into the gym the way I did many years ago. Why am I still scared? Will I ever get over that?

Confidence is waning.

Prologue

The time is coming. My wife has made a doctors appointment for Monday morning. I know a doctors appointment isnt a big deal to most of you, however, I haven't had a non-emergency room related doc visit since the previous Millenium. In fact, it could be back as far as when I was in high school playing Lacrosse.

This isn't a resolution or anything, at least not one spawned from the turning of the calendar. This has been coming for some time.

Its undeniable, I am not a healthy human being.

I can almost already script what the doc is going to say. I should make some cartoon bubbles to hand to him as he says it. Maybe my physical health isnt the only thing in question here. If I know whats wrong, why havent I fixed it yet? The fact is, I am not happy with myself, and its a sad state of affairs that my wife had to push me into it.

I'm not young either. This isnt going to be easy. I used to be able to rely on youthful exhuberance to keep me motivated and fresh, but that was 7 years ago. I was a man on the prowl, I was a sexy bitch. Not so much anymore. I am, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. It's time to change that.

Lets bring sexy back.