State of the Bopper

Its time to lay down the facts of what I am facing, and the things that effect me and will keep driving me from here on out:


Name: Dan O'Connor

Age: 30

Height: 6'3"

Weight: Over 400lbs

Shirt Size: 4x-5x, depending on who makes the clothes. In big man's clothes, its all guess work. Size 22 neck. Size 72 Chest.

Pant Size: 54-56 Waist. 30 Inseam.

Likes: Hot Wings, Bacon, Hamburgers, Utz Potato Chips, Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout, Duke Basketball

Hates: Hippies, Lettuce, Legumes, American Beer Commercials, Ranch Dressing, Fish, The Southeastern Conference

Things that have embarrassed me in the past: Family Photographs. Kids starring at me in restaurants like a circus freak. Breaking chairs in public places because I am too big for them. Busting buttons from shirts. Almost crushing an Asian couple on an airplane.

Things I am afraid of: Seats with arm rests. Friends inviting me to amusement parks (I don't fit on the rides anymore). Using the bathroom on an airplane. Being a bad example for my kids. Walking around the neighborhood with my wife, for fear of pain in my calves, and losing my breath. Riding on airplanes (but only because I don't fit in the seat).

Things I want to improve in myself: I want to be healthy. I want to look better. I want to feel better. I want to be able to get outside and do something without fear of exerting myself. I want to have the confidence to do anything.

Things I want to avoid in the future: Taking my weight into consideration for lifestyle choices. Heart Attacks (This is a big one). Being lazy. Buying clothes a size "too big" just so they feel looser. Being mistaken for John Candy, or John Goodman, or any John for that matter.

Things I want to accomplish: To be able to play a whole match of soccer. I want to be asked to play in friends basketball games. I want to walk the parking lot at Beaver Stadium without losing my breath. I want my wife to think I am even sexier than I already am.





















How I will reward myself: The purchase of one of the best looking soccer kits of all time, Celtic FC. A blow out the budget trip to England (Airfare has already been promised to be donated, for the loss of 100 lbs...)


Stay tuned, coming up on the program, we visit Bopper's closet to see his demons, and Bopper goes back to the Gym (GASP), Tune in next time, campers, on this same Bat Channel.

Apprehension

Damnit, I'm almost late, and this asshat won't get out of my way. I'm already on edge for this seemingly innocuous doctors visit, doesn't he understand I'm nervous about this? Does he not care? Does he think I'm freaking about nothing? No, he doesn't care, he just turned into Bradford Plaza... I'm sure all he cares about is getting to the Giant.

This place seems nice. Leather furniture, two water coolers, up to date magazines. It almost looks like where I get my hair cut. The nurse doesn't seem to interested in why I am here... She just keeps asking the same questions we used to see on the clipboard we always filled out, and putting them into her laptop. Now she wants to know my weight. Finally a real question. "I don't know. High 300's I think." Not the ideal answer. I should have been more prepared for that question by now. She has me step on the scale which goes to 400lbs, and wow... The needle doesn't move. So, that is that... I am 400+. So big, they cant get a real weight on me. This puts me in the category with those guys on Long Island that have the walls of their house removed so they can go down to McDonalds. I can't even get into Ted Washington's neighborhood.

Next up blood pressure. This isn't going to be good. Don't they need you take your arm out of your sleeve anymore? Damn this thing is tight. Stop pumping that ball, you bitch, this hurts. Are you some sort of sadist? I've never actually felt pain like this before.

150 over 90.

Shit. Not what you would call ideal.

"The Doctor will be into see you next." I hope he nicer than you, Nurse Ratchet. This is it, this is where he tells me exactly what I need to hear.

"Hi Dan, Nice to meet you, I'm Dr. H. What are you here for today?"

"Well, Doc, I am a mess."

"Mess is a strong word, but you've got a few things not quite right with you, don't you?"

Thanx for the confidence boost, Doc. Sadly, the conversation didn't go well from here. He didn't seem to be too concerned with me getting active, and more with eating right. He just met me, never asked about my eating habits and his first suggestion is Weight Watchers. If I am completely honest with you, this doesn't thrill me. I don't care to count points, I don't want to go to meetings, I don't want to weigh myself constantly, and I really am not concerned with the amount of weight I lose, but more with feeling better about myself, and visualizing and feeling the weight loss, not quantifying it. He could see my disapproval of this idea, and gave me a couple of attaboy speeches about commitment. I could've gotten this from my dad. I don't think Dr. H is a bad doc, he is quite pleasant, I'm sure I wouldve gotten this treatment from any doctor.

But the important part is that someone needs to give me a plan, and he did, and he also wants to get a whole gamut of blood tests from me (Thyroid, Diabetes, Liver, Etc...). The cholesterol test scares me, because it is something I don't ever consider, and the Liver test scares me because many of us in our youth not only didn't take care of ourselves, but flat out abused our livers. I am almost resolved to the diabetes test coming up positive, and my father and grandmother both have it, and well, I am kind of a prime candidate at my size.

So as I walk out of this appointment, I feel much the same as I did going into it. How am I going to tackle this? Am I going to heed the Doc's words and look into Weight Watchers? What will these tests show? Can I get back into the gym the way I did many years ago. Why am I still scared? Will I ever get over that?

Confidence is waning.

Prologue

The time is coming. My wife has made a doctors appointment for Monday morning. I know a doctors appointment isnt a big deal to most of you, however, I haven't had a non-emergency room related doc visit since the previous Millenium. In fact, it could be back as far as when I was in high school playing Lacrosse.

This isn't a resolution or anything, at least not one spawned from the turning of the calendar. This has been coming for some time.

Its undeniable, I am not a healthy human being.

I can almost already script what the doc is going to say. I should make some cartoon bubbles to hand to him as he says it. Maybe my physical health isnt the only thing in question here. If I know whats wrong, why havent I fixed it yet? The fact is, I am not happy with myself, and its a sad state of affairs that my wife had to push me into it.

I'm not young either. This isnt going to be easy. I used to be able to rely on youthful exhuberance to keep me motivated and fresh, but that was 7 years ago. I was a man on the prowl, I was a sexy bitch. Not so much anymore. I am, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. It's time to change that.

Lets bring sexy back.