It's now time to rise up against myself.
Why should you believe in me now? I pretty much lied to anyone who read this blog for the better part of last year saying I was going to change things, saying I was going to do something about it. I thought I was trying. Then I quit. I can't tell you why, but I did. It pisses me off that I did. But nothing could prepare me for how pissed off I was about to be at myself.
Two months ago, some of the people around the office started a "Biggest Loser" pool... sounded like fun, until the stiffs from higher up put the kibosh on it. But it really got me wondering how to tackle an old problem, Finding out my true weight. Someone had to have a scale that went of 400lbs... its not as if everyone in the world tops out at 399. So I took a suggestion and put in call to the local Jenny Craig office, who obliged me to come in because their scale went to 600 lbs. When I arrived, they told me it actually only went to 500 lbs. No matter, I was going to hop on and I would be just over 400.
Then... BOOM went the dynamite.
I couldn't even comprehend that number. That couldn't be right. "Take off your hat, dummy"... step back on... still 485... I felt like crying. I actually did a little in the car on my way home. I almost was too big for their scale. What the hell had happened to me?
There really is no way around it... I am sick.
Since that day, I've come to terms with that number, who I am, where I want to be. I think we have all known, for some time, that a total transformation was in order, I've just never been able to motivate myself properly. I have my motivation now. I've made it OK to be this big for too long. I've done my best to keep my maximum comfort level in mind, so my feelings don't get hurt. Maybe, hurt feelings are what I have needed all along.
So, this is my rallying cry. My call to arms. It's time to declare war on myself. No more excuses. No more lies. No more quitting.
Who's coming with me? Don't we all have something to prove to ourselves? Do it with me. Help yourself too. Who wants to be in my posse. I need all the help I can get. It's going to happen, don't you want to say you were a part of it?
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